I'm here, Kyuu

Let's rephrase...

...in the end, it wasn't about creating, but about finding. On the other hand, it might be the same thing. And thinking further, is this the end after all, or just a quick conclusion along the way? Kyuu was parts of me put together, so in the end, he was nothing new. He was a compilation of things that already existed in my mind. I will try to explain my thoughts here carefully.

We all have many thoughts, some which never surface. Each of us hides things, most of which never surface. Perhaps it's not wrong to guess that nobody really reveals their entire self in their lifetime. Something is always hidden.

Another piece in the background - what are we? What is I? When it comes to human life, perhaps what I am is the combination of all people's perceptions of me during my entire lifetime. But if some things are hidden, then what "I" am in the end, is not everything. For the sake of argument, for a comparison that fits this moment, let us believe in this. So in the end, I am not me. I am a part of me.

But what of the part that is inside us hidden? The mind inside us that we know. That silent thing, that what really makes us ourselves. The little parts that are hidden from others, are revealed to us in our thoughts. To the above, add all of this, and you have what a human life is about. But we can't often explain our deeds and doings when we think of them. We can't know what we'll say in some coming situation. So what is inside us isn't everything either. Again, I am not me. I am a part of me.

Kyuu was a part of me, but not everything. He was nothing beyond me, just an extension of my expression. Everyone finds a way to act on those parts of one's self that can't come out every day. Even one who would never write a poem, or a story, expands on the common everyday expression somehow. Everyone, consciously or otherwise, finds a way to be just a bit more than "I".

I am Kyuu, and I always was. Kyuu is a part of me, just like I am a part of me. He is the same in comparison, so he is the same in reality. He's still the blue haired, tall, beautiful figure unlike me, but he's also me. Nothing changes outside, except my wish to reflect new parts of myself to people around me.

I wanted to write this story before I did the change. I am very nervous about it, but I really wish it. I wanted my name to reflect it to the world - I had found my Kyuu. He is a part of me, he is what I am. Let the way I live here in this world reflect on my finding.

I created Kyuu

I found Kyuu

I am Kyuu

...but I still wish I was as handsome as him. The other Kyuu that is... I suppose this is why I worried about getting mixed with names. I need a solution for that someday.